My parents are showing signs of dementia; how do I protect them financially?
As the country gets older, the mounting problem of dementia will only get more prominent. It is easy to be concerned about how to protect your parents with signs of dementia. Already the sixth leading cause of death in the country and the only killer among the top 10 that is entirely unpreventable, the Alzheimer’s Association predicts that by the year 2050,
Americans will spend over one trillion dollars on treatment for dementia, five times the current price tag. For those of us, whose loved ones suffer from the disease, it’s a trial every day. We can’t do anything about the emotional or physical toll the condition takes on loved ones and caregivers. With planning, transparency, and teamwork, devastating financial costs can be lessened.
Q: I think one of my parents is showing signs of dementia. What can I do now, before the symptoms get worse?
A: Because dementia is a group of symptoms rather than a specific disease, early identification is essential, but a full diagnosis may be far off. Those early days of uncertainty can be very tough in which the good days outnumber the bad. Even if it’s difficult, taking decisive action early on is very important.
The first step is to assemble a team of loved ones and caregivers. Unfortunately, this can be tougher than it sounds. The sufferers of many diseases can readily identify their symptoms. One of the warning signs of dementia is forgetting things and also not realizing that they are ignored. That means that the sufferer of dementia is an unreliable advocate on their own behalf.
It also means that if they deny their problems, other family members may take their side in a misguided effort to show affection and solidarity. Among the most likely culprits is the sufferer’s spouse, who has likely been shouldering an increasing load to compensate for the sufferer’s worsening mental condition. Still, anyone who might be able to help should be part of the early planning. Also, consider bringing in those who won’t help but who can derail your plans, either through gossip and complaints or legal challenges.
You will be spending their money if you are your parent’s primary caregiver. Someone in the family will resent that. Be prepared.
Q: Okay, so what do I do once I’ve assembled my team of loved ones?
A: You need to sort out several aspects of caregiving. See if you can read it if they have a will or a living will. Find as many answers as possible before you have the meeting. Talk to a lawyer. Talk to your parents’ financial institutions and then talk to us. You’re going to need to find all of their money. Maybe you’re fortunate, and your loved one has left a detailed accounting of their finances. Most likely, though, you’ll need to get legal recognition as the primary caregiver or receive the power of attorney before you can access the accounts. You may not be able to do so before the family meeting. Do your best.
Use the family meeting to make plans. Who’s going to pay for what? What happens if the sufferer needs home care? Will your parents go to a nursing home? Should you bring in a nurse? Can he or she move in with you or one of your siblings? Remember that planning at this stage involves transparency, openness, and validating everyone’s feelings. A few of the best-laid plans made today will be followed. That’s fine. Flexibility is essential, and so is teamwork. Listening to others’ needs at this meeting will go a long way toward building trust when you need to make a financial decision with your parents’ money down the road.
Q: Is there anything I can do to help?
A: Buy a big box of disposable pens and a bulk container of notepads and sticky notes. Put the notes all over, next to a favorite chair, the stove, and the bathrooms. You plan to remove every barrier to writing so that the sufferer will be more likely to write things down. Not only does the writing help ease the symptoms of dementia, but having pads and stickies everywhere can be a coping mechanism to make the passage from the early stages to full-onset dementia last as long as possible.
Q: What can Elevate Credit Union do to help?
A: We’re not medical experts, but we are financial experts. See us, and we’ll talk you through some of your options. Turn your parents’ long-term savings into cash if it is needed now. We can help combine various accounts of theirs into consolidated ones that you can access. Set up a home equity loan to bring in the medical equipment or any other changes you need to make to the house should you bring a parent into your home to live with you.
Most importantly, we can help make sure you haven’t forgotten anything. It is a tough time, and we’re here to support you. We can show you how to financially protect your parents with signs of dementia. Check out our other posts on our MoneySmart Tips Blog.
